My toasters are cursed.

[nwhiker]

My toasters are cursed.

No. Really. I am seriously not kidding.

A long time ago, we had a toaster we got from my MIL, who'd probably had it since the 70s or 80s. That toaster works fine, but gets rather hot, so when AC was little, we replaced it with Toaster 1.

Toaster 1 was a nice toaster. It actually toasted bread quite well, something that not all toasters do.

Then one day, Toaster 1 exploded.

OK, maybe not exploded. But a greenish blue flame burst out of it, shot up, and that, as they say, was that for Toaster 1.

Cuisinart, informed of the flaming toaster, sent us a mailing label to send the old toaster back and a replacement toaster. This would be Toaster 2.

Toaster 2 we had for a long time, in appliance years, at least 5 or 6, if not 7. It was the best toaster.

Then one day, something fell into Toaster 2. It was blue plastic and melted all over the place.

I found out that Toaster 2 was made with tabs not screws, and there was melted and solidified blue plastic all over. We did our best to salvage Toaster 2, but alas, that was not to be.

Enter Toaster 3.

I hated Toaster 3 from day 1. It was enourmous, much too big to fit inside the bread box/appliance area, so it had to live on the counter, exposed. It made bad toast, seeming to have two modes: white and burnt. What use is a toaster that can't toast bread?

I suffered with Toaster 3 for a few years. Until the Fly Incident of 2011.

There is a fly, presumably dead, in my toaster.

Blech. Gross.

Dh has zero sympathy.

See, there was this big nasty fly flying around the house, and ew gross.

It landed on one of the kitchen cabinets and I grabbed some piece of junk mail and Victory! swatted it to death.

Only it fell in my toaster.

Stop laughing, this is NOT funny. Dh and my MIL could barely contain themselves, and suggested I put down some toast.

I. Don't. Think. So.

Alas, the corpse has not been located.

It's hard to prove a negative.

OK. It's impossible to prove a negative.

But I've shaken to toaster to hell and back, inspected it carefully with a flashlight, and shaken it some more.

No fly remains have been seen.

I wonder what kind of toasters Costco carries. Because toast from that toaster?

I. Don't. Think. So.

Like Toaster 2, it proved impossible to open and clear out completely. Damn those tabs. I am really sick of cheap crap made in China! Especially when it's not $cheap$, just cheap.

I was never able to eat toast from that toaster again, and despite my family's taunting, I eventually freecycled it (I did disclose).

And purchased Toaster 4 from Costco.

Toaster 4 was an ok toaster. It fit in my appliance area, and though bulbous like most appliances these days, it seems, it wasn't huge. Its toast wasn't the best, but it was ok.

Today, I was making toast for my breakfast when the unmistakable aroma of melting and burnt chocolate filled the room. Sniff.. Sniff... Oh shit.

At some point, a large piece of chocolate had fallen, probably from the cupboard above, into the toaster. And melted. All over the place.

No, I don't peer inside the toaster each time I made toast. I may have to start.

So Toaster 4 now appears to have been internally dipped in chocolate. And like Toaster 2 and 3, it's impossible to take apart to really clean.

I may just have to dig out my MIL's ancient model.

Comments

[camelsamba.livejournal.com]

wow, they are cursed!

we like the under-cabinet toaster ovens from Black & Decker (even though we don't have it under-cabinet, just out on the counter). It's relatively small and works well. They don't make them any more. I have a couple I bought at yard sales a few years back - when they die, we're out of luck.