Stumbling Through Adulthood

1. No second chance on the aurora, alas. Linnea missed it, as did my sister. Sigh.

2. Perry graduates in about a month. Realizing that we have lots of stuff to do before then and not a lot of weekends to do it in, since he's in Vancouver WA next weekend for Regionals (coaching) and probably in Florida (also coaching) a few weeks after that.

3. It's been an emotionally rough day. I don't care about Mother's Day for me but... my mother and my aunt, the two people I did care about it for, aren't truly here any longer. It hits me more on some days than on others, and with my aunt's condo in Vancouver now sold -the offer was accepted yesterday- it feels so final that she, and my mother, are in the last places they'll live. UGH.

Ignoring for a moment the gun debate. It's pointless, the constitution is a rag written by long dead white men that is going to destroy this country, by subjecting the majority to authoritarian minority rule. Guns are part of this. I'm not going there.

What I want to write about instead is the concept of public good, and how school shootings threaten that, and how I think it's by design.

The right has long wanted to kill off public schools. They're tried to destroy them via testing mandates, lack of funding, low salaries and societal contempt for teachers, glorification of homeschooling, charter schools, and vouchers for private schools. They cannot abide the thought of undeserving children getting something for free. They can't abide the thought of children learning. They are using one of their most loved and effective strategies on public schools, the same one they used on the post office: make it impossible for them to provide a quality product for a decent price by putting roadblocks in their way, complain they have failed, and replace them with a private entity.

Never mind that UPS and FedEx will never deliver to unprofitable rural areas, or private schools educate children in need of 504 plans or IEPs. NEver mind that schools -and the postal service, and libraries- are not there to make profits, they're there because they provide a public service that we can all use and access.

The idea is to destroy something that provides a universal good.

The Federalist, who pushed all last year and the year before to Open! All! The Schools! fuck these Covid precautions is now suggesting homeschooling.

By allowing schools to become, school shooting after school shooting dangerous places, the Rs are hoping that parents with the means opt out, opt to homeschool or go to private. This will put the public schools even further in jeopardy. Again, the goal is to destroy them.

Eventually, we'll be back to an era where the rich are educated, possibly by a mother who homeschools and is popping out babies (no birth control or access to abortion) and cannot have a career outside of the home because of this, possibly via private education, and the poor are left to the hollowed-out shell of the public school system.

They are, as always, playing the long game.

1. Reading an absolutely terrifying book, _The Next Civil War: Dispatches from the American Future_ by Stephen Marche. It's not without its problems (both sides are not the same and are not equal and opposite. They're waaaaay more crazy than we are, LOL), but it's scary nonetheless, in part, of course, because I'm not sure we're not headed for a complete and utter catastrophe.

2. Perry and Linnea were down this weekend, which was wonderful.

3. What was not wonderful, and indeed really hurt a lot... We had to get our ballots in, there was just school levy stuff on the ballot. Linnea asked us to explain what this all meant, we did, and we announced her intent to vote against the school levies, basically, she hated school, hated her teachers, hated the fact that so much of the 'nice'things at school were geared towards the honor students, and all others were excluded etc. She said as far as she was concerned the schools could rot in hell. I started to cry (she yelled at me for that) and tried to explain to her what having public schools meant etc, but the reason I was crying was that... my poor baby girl had been so miserable at school that she was sounding like a pissed off selfish old Republican. We did our best, we really tried. Online school was truly a blessing for her, she was so much happier, but I'll never not feel bad that we insisted that she had to graduate from high school. I don't know how she ended up voting.

And a quick little 4th thing: Bluetooth is Loki's protocol.

Perry just got the "keys" to his apartment.

Only there are no keys.

Just a 4 digit code.

Which means his apartment is less secure than a middle school locker.

If the insurance company finds out about this, I'm not sure he'll be able to get renter's insurance.

I remember a long time ago, when Linnea was still in middle school and about to transition to HS, we went to a music night for future HS band members. The director, wanting to show that his musicians were also scholars had anyone who'd taken an AP or honors class stand up. All but two did. I was fucking horrified seeing that future for my little gal.

Little did I know she would go on to take -and pass- two AP classes (physics and computer science).

They did it again at graduation, having kids stand up and down for all sorts of accomplishments, funny things, or just things they participated in. I wasn't horrified this time, and not just because my kid had taken AP classes, but because there were so many kids, so many ups and downs, and clearly so many ways of being part of the high school that it wasn't jarring like that night in the concert hall was.

Two things: "please stand if you've taken 20 (*) AP and honors classes" and there was one kid standing, and when he said "please stand if you have rolled out of bed, logged into Zoom and gone straight back to bed" and about half of the class, possibly more stood, including some of the valedictorians. (*) I think. Some large number.

Graduation was at a stadium. Linnea was only three from an end of row! We'd be able to see her. We were on the "blue" side, the Visitors side. And then we saw that... the blue side was in full sun, on metal bleachers. The other side was in shade. A quick check made it clear: despite the chance of seeing her closer, the shaded side was the better choice. :( And it was for another reason: we could see her facing us when she got her diploma.

Other change from the other two's MUCH OMG SO MUCH smaller graduations: in both cases the kids walked out in an orderly manner and we met them outside the main graduation area. Here: flip your tassles, cheer, hats in the air, scramble for hats, and chaos as the kids rushed around to talk to each other, get to parents, leave. The emails we got from the school made it sound like we were supposed to pick up the grads at the nearby HS, where we'd dropped them off, but I guess not!

My biggest regret: Linnea has always wanted someone to bring her flowers after an event. We had flowers delivered for her for grad (she got to see them just before she left), but didn't have any at the venue, because it sounded like we'd be driving up to pick her up and she'd hop in the car. She thought that too, since she asked please please please could she ride in the front seat! So I didn't have flowers. There were vendors there, but, as usual, I didn't have (enough) cash.

The kids were on the field, all socially distanced, so that's good. The school had planned for vaccinated areas and unvaccinated, but in the end, the only way to tell was the vaccinated people (mostly) had green wrist bands. The area the HS pulls from is between 85 and 87 vaccinated, so eh. (To my absolute shock, the eastern side of the county, which includes some of the more conservative areas, is the second most vaccinated area in King County, at 87.2%. We're on the edge of that, and I know my local vote was over 70% liberal, but it was still surprising. What is really surprising is that very white, very liberal and very wealthy Vashon Island is at 90%. That cracks me up because they routinely have small outbreaks of measles and pertussis, because it's the crunchy granola center, with the highest rate of unvaccinated children. I guess polio isn't worth vaccinating your kids for, but you should definitely get a Covid shot. In a sick, selfish way, that makes sense. The hoi polloi can take on the minimal risk of vaccination to protect your kid, but that isn't working too well for adults and Covid.) ETA. I don't fault poor or minority areas for being behind on vaccines, either Covid or childhood. That is often an access issue. This is not that.

The speakers were good, the district representative was especially good.

Perry and Anne-Chloe were both there, my mom and my MIL. Everyone else watched the livestream. I think -I hope- that orgs don't stop livestreaming events even when Covid is over. It's so nice to be able to share major events 'on the fly' to so speak.

I didn't cry. I came close several times. It's hard to think that my baby girl is graduated and heading to college... she was SO ready to get out of that high school. She made a heartbreaking Instagram post about her years of high school, but kindly did not tag any of the kids who made some of the worst comments.

I am incredibly proud of her.

There are very few photos. Didn't have time before (it was a hectic day) and by the time we got home, everyone was exhausted and the lighting was crap. Perry did get a few of me, dh and Linnea, and she promised us she'll pose with cap and gown later. But she got this selfie, and said I could share it. It's perfect.

1. Annoyed that more and more "learning disabilities" is being used for "intellectual disabilities". In part because that leaves kids like Linnea described as having "learning disorders", which might be the case, but it's already hard enough to get services for kids with dyslexia etc in the schools that losing the term disability won't help. Seriously. The services for learning "disorders" requires a different mindset when dealing with them that, say, mild autism. You can't just teach the same stuff, only less and slower, you are dealing with a kid with "normal" IQ whose brain patterns are off: you need to change the way you teach and evaluate.

2. That said. In the dark days when her inability to relate basic numbers to number of objects, the total incomprehension of the number line (is 17 M&Ms better than 3? She didn't know) caused us so much anxiety, it never occurred to me that she'd one day be manipulating logs and e and trig with relative ease (even if slowly and with a cheat sheet).

3. Bit annoyed here. So my mom is coming for three weeks. And my sister emails this morning about how my mom slipped on her carpeted stairs (second time it's happened, both times she was carrying coffee). My stairs, while normally pitched, are wood, and a fall would be, as dh said "life altering and not in a good way". In addition there are some edges (thanks, asshole builders. When we said 'no ogees' we figured it would be the same eased edge on the wide sills and side/top of the stairwell and side of the stairs boards as the rest of the window trim. No, those are 90 degrees and sharp as hell. I suspect they were supposed to route them to match but by the time the boards showed up, we were all pissed with each other. Which is why they left untreated open edges on the window sills, btw. Not a horrid deal because it's plain unanythinged maple, but what if we'd chosen cherry?) Where was I? Oh yeah. My stairs are not elderly person friendly and with this additional warning, dh especially is completely against her going downstairs. Which means a MAJOR amount of rearranging our bedroom. In a day. Fuuuuuuck. I let my sister know, so she could prepare my mom, and sis is all like 'oh, I don't think that's necessary'. Well, yeah, actually it is. If this wasn't a concern, why did you bring it up? Anyhow. Did not need this, week of graduation, with both me and dh on impossibly tight deadlines for various things. UGH.

It's Linnea's last day of K-12 school.

My baby, my little last, who started in pre-K with Cécile all those years ago at the French school, is done with mandatory schooling.

It's been a tough haul for her, and she's so ready for it to be done. Between the learning disabilities, the anxiety, the pandemic, and a lot of other things, she hasn't had an easy time of it.

She's learned so very much.

I remember those days, waaaay back, when we knew something was wrong, but could not figure out what.

The days when we could not understand how she couldn't figure out the association between five objects and the number 5 even though she seemed capable of counting them. Or the times she'd correctly identity the word the in a sentence by pointing but would be incapable of reading it. The numerous rounds of testing that said yeah, something's up, but, umm, good luck figuring out how to teach to that. The summer between first and second grade when I taught her to read in French, stressful to say the least. There were tears, from both of us. Her beloved tutor Janet teaching her to read in English. Finally, the psychologist who gave us concrete data, which helped us understand better the world of reading/writing/math through her eyes.

The sadness when she aged out of twice a week tutoring sessions with Janet, when Janet could no longer keep up with the math, and Linnea didn't click with any of the other tutors. But before then, so much help and caring, and funny rhymes made up, written down, and illustrated to memorize the times tables. Linnea gets relationships, not numbers, so she made relationships between the numbers to help them figure it out.

The trauma of having to leave the French school: despite being told that one didn't deal with dyslexia by making kids repeat a grade they gave that as the only option. We knew it would not help, and would only hurt her, so we pulled her, moved her to public. Honestly the best move we ever made, but the sadness and refusal to cry on a hurting face the last day at the school she'd known all her life remain an image in my brain that brings me to tears.

New school, new system. New friends. Painful for me, the loss of a second language.

And my husband. Ever patient, kind, repeating stuff over and over, two, three different ways, as many as it took, helping her through whatever it took to get teaching time, math, computer science. We got her through AP classes and advanced classes, and she'd finish high school with just under a 3.0 GPA, above her 2.8 or last sememster, probably a 2.9, which might not sound great but every single bit of that was fought. And fought hard.

Because she's tough and resilient and never gave up. She persisted, coming back at instruction over and over with a tenacity that I can only admire. She hated it. She hated school. But she did it. And she worked hard and for long hours and didn't goof off, and mostly this did not translate to stellar grades. There is no appreciation for kids who try hard in this society, and Linnea lived that and it was painful to parent. Despite the mocking of older folks, there are no participation trophies, and no rewards for effort. People truly don't have a good understanding of learning disabilities, and that includes a lot of teachers. Yes, she sounds intelligent, and that's because she is intelligent, nothing wrong with her IQ. What doesn't work are some of the processing busses.

And she managed all that along with rowing 6 days a week for most of three years, and a heavy rowing schedule this year, even if not the grueling one of pre-pandemic times.

So she's graduating. Not having had in person school in March of last year, having missed the fun events of Senior year (prom was fun, but truly dress up and visit a museum). It's a strange time and in some ways it's difficult for us in a way it isn't for her. We see what she's missed. She's more focused on tomorrow. And, truly, that's the way it should be.

Perry will be back on campus next fall, which is a good thing.

But, um, he's taking Linear Algebra, which puts him ahead in math of pretty much his whole friend group. And I'll be 90 miles away.

I asked him who he was going to study with, since I wouldn't be right next to him to answer questions and help if needed.

Him: "Skype?"

LOL.

To be clear, I don't mind, because I don't mind math at that level, if I remember it, even if it gives me headaches, and lin alg was one of the areas I liked best. Also, he's pretty self sufficient: he doesn't need help as much as he needs a sounding board, or someone to verify results with.

We shall see. He has to take these higher level math classes because since he can't get into a major in either Biochemistry, Chemistry, or Biology, he needs upper level classes and these aren't major locked.

We fucked up Linnea's college housing situation so badly, it's not even funny. We went on old data, and what worked pre-Covid doesn't work now.

Ugh.

She didn't get into UW-Bothell, they rejected her based on GPA. So why the eff did they put on the wait list to begin with? Had we known there was no chance of her getting in there, we might have been more pro-active on WWU.

Pulling together the last bits and pieces for Linnea's prom tomorrow night.

Well, it's not really prom, it's ticket to visit a museum after hours. No dancing, no food or drink allowed, no groups larger than five. They're not supposed to stay more than 90 minutes at the venue.

But, eh, she's got a pretty dress and pretty shoes. She got her hair cut today, and the neighbor girl, her longtime friend, is coming over to curl her hair and do her makeup. She's going with a rowing friend, her doubles partner, and they're buying each other flowers.

My biggest issue is figuring out how to feed them before and after, lol.

Hopefully, it'll be fun.

It looks like US Rowing is having an abbreviated/barely there version of regionals. Nothing like it should be, nobody who isn't rowing allowed at the park, most events not happening.

God, so much missed for the class of 2021. My kid left the high school in March of 2020 and never went back.

We missed out on so many little things, concerts and games, homecoming and a real prom, all the senior events that they should have had (at this point, graduation is happening, but it may be parents only), regionals for rowing two years in a row, real regattas, and the rowing banquet.

I HATE Trump. So much of this loss is his fault.