Stumbling Through Adulthood

What the fuck is it with my kids? They are fucking home during the day every single fucking day of the week, and the one fucking day I have to do laundry.... they're both wanting to do theirs. I just added a detergent sheet and started adding water and went to get my clothes and... Perry fucking tossed his in even though I had told them earlier in the day that I needed to get my (and dh's) laundry done today.

God, I'm pissed.

I don't know how we deal with this. I'm still doing the same amount of house cleaning and cooking as I was before. It was fine before, I was at home, it was my fucking job. Now I have another job, and nobody has really stepped up. Dh will, and without being as ass about it, do things if asked but I don't want to be the task leader, ya know?

I tried a list. They never check it to see what needs to get done.

Linnea will -like she did last weekend- clean the whole house periodically and I do certainly appreciate it, but just doing the handwash dishes from time to time and her own water bottles would be a real help.

I really wish getting a house cleaner wasn't such and ridiculously difficult and expensive thing. This is racist, and I'm sorry, but I got so tired of dealing with people who don't speak English.

Another three things post. It's just that kind of week.

1. My mom is with my sister. My house feels wonderfully and strangely empty. What makes me sad? Since I won't be seeing it day in day out, I expect the next time I see her, I'll be shocked at how badly she's slipped. My sister is going to bring her back up here for a few weeks in March so they can go on vacation. Apparently the drive yesterday was awful, longer than expected because weather, semis, and multiple stops, and my mom got confused and anxious towards the end and demanded they stop so she could buy cigarettes and got angry when they wouldn't. Ugh.

2. Knitting! Figured out how to do the join with circular needles. I did have to grab the info from a webpage, cut and paste it into Word and flip left to right etc. When I was trying to do that on the fly, I'd keep on getting confused. Anyhow, the yarn I picked is pretty but otherwise kinda sucky, but it was cheap, which is what I wanted for a first project! Steel needles and Very Slippery! Having fun. The cats... well, they're trying to have fun too. We just disagree on what kind of fun should happen with yarn.

3. I knew it and now there is scientific proof!!!! Bilingual attentional control: Evidence from the Partial Repetition Cost paradigm. From the abstract, bolding mine:

These findings suggest that language experience does not affect lower-level processes, and supports the view that bilinguals exhibit enhanced attentional disengagement.

I always said that bilingualism just meant that my kids could ignore me in two languages and I was right! 🤣

Poor Anne-Chloe. This is the second time she's has to spend more than her fair share of time stuck in the Frankfurt airport. Last time -also Lufthansa- there was a storm, and they were stranded in pretty bad conditions at the airport for over 24 hours. This time her 6 hour layover turned into almost 16 hours. I suggested she not fly through Frankfurt again, LOL. But hey, she's in Ireland, finally!

Perry applied for graduation in June last night. And found out, to his chagrin, that a BA in French and a BS in biochem means... he pays the degree application fees twice. LOL.

But it's three goods, one bad, one ugly.

The bad. My aunt is being a spoiled princess and driving everyone nuts. She was so rude to the people at the nail salon that she made Linnea cry. She isn't normally a rude or unkind person so I suspect we're seeing her brand of dementia coming through. She, for some reason, poked around with her spoon in my slop bucket, then used the spoon to try and grab a slice of sugared and cornstarched peach that I was using for a galette, and got annoyed when I was upset that she got coffee and tea in the peaches. And annoyed Perry who is trying to do a 1min erg test. And ate all the crust on the galette I made before anyone got a slice. And. And. And. So it's been a bit rough. Also. My mom is being particularly bitchy today as well.

The ugly. I have a 33-page review article to read over vacation. However, the reason for this is good #1.

The good.

#1. I have an interview on Tuesday morning. The job would be super interesting and I'd have to seriously consider a 90 minute commute and making less than Perry, LOL. That's been my baseline, but this job's top pay, which I probably wouldn't get, is what Perry makes.

#2. My sister is awesome. It's so nice to have a good relationship with a sibling, and I feel very very lucky.

#3. A good moment with my aunt. Anne-Chloe was here, and aunt was talking about her planned death. It was a bit of a rough conversation, and then it moved to stuff she had that some of us might want. Anne-Chloe told her, absolutely spontaneously, that if she still had the books she used to read her (The Giraffe, the Pelly, and Me and The Paperbag Princess), she'd take those and she talked about her memories of aunt reading them to her, and how she'd loved those sessions. Aunt doesn't think she still has the books, but she was completely moved by the fact that Anne-Chloe remembered that and cherished those memories. I'll add that I had always felt that Anne-Chloe felt close to aunt, and aunt telling me over the past few years that she didn't think she had a "connection" with AC and that hurt a bit, because I had always felt she did. So.

All this was written -and not posted- a few days ago. Currently on the Oregon Coast.

1. Perry and dh are going up to B'ham, Linnea is already there, to move her stuff from Apartment A to Apartment B, and to bring whatever Perry has left up there down. Dh was at trains Friday and Saturday. Perry was at rowing all day Friday and slept most of yesterday. My mother has been getting up between 8-9am and I've been 'on' both days already, and there is about to be a 3rd as soon as they leave. I'm exhausted. It's not like Perry and dh do that much, it's more that having them there means someone else can answer, for the zillionth time, the exact same fucking question. Caregiving sucks. I am not good at it.

2. Perry and Anne-Chloe are going to be rowing a double together at the PNW Pink Ribbon Row. Alas, I'll be at Crater Lake camping, so won't be there to cheer them on, but the coach took some video of them today. The last stroke was crappy -you can hear Perry's reaction to it- but aside from that, they look pretty good. Perry and Anne-Chloe the canal with the Aurora (tall) and Fremont (small drawbridge) Bridges.
And yeah, note the color of the sky. The horrid wildfires both in WA but especially the ones in BC (OMG, Kelowna!) are the cause of that.

3. I don't even know how to broach this as a minor issue. When we camp, we're pretty minimalist. Tent, sleeping bags, and food is pretty basic one pot meals, nothing elaborate. The past few years, we've been going camping with my sister and BIL and they have a GIGANTIC RV with kitchen, bathroom, TV, and even a freaking microwave. Which yay, if you enjoy that kind of camping. The issues that have come up: nobody wants to spend any time outside. As soon as it gets chilly, rather than extra layers, sis and BIL use the excuse of my mom (*) to move everything inside (note that my mom, who hates camping even in the luxury RV is usually inside already). So that. And then the meals. Since they have a stove top with multiple burners, a microwave, and an oven, they prefer to plan more elaborate meals than us. Which is fine, but... really? Yes, we can grill burgers, but, really, we don't need to make oven fries to go with, we can open a freaking bag of chips, and apples are a hell of a lot easier than chopping lettuce for a salad, LOL. This trip (in mid-September) they won't have a water hookup, so they're talking about using only paper plates... it's like... my dudes. There are faucets, we have a small basin, we can wash dishes... oh wait, you want to make an elaborate three course meal with loads of dishes. Nothing serious, just an annoyance.

I was too tired to write last night. But yesterday was my birthday and it was pretty awesome.

1. We went on a hike, to Cherry Creek Falls! We've managed to get out on regular walks since my mom's been here by dint of either my pouring myself out of bed at 6am to be on the trail at 6:20, and dh going after, or going together if one of the kids was home, but we hadn't managed to get out to anything a bit longer since I got back from Louisiana, so it was a major treat. We got out early, first on trail, which was great except for that also means 'first to hit the spider webs'. I was ahead but dh suggested he go ahead because being taller he'd clear them all, LOL. I told him we were married, I could do my part and get them on my face too, which he pointed out was useless. Anyhow. We were passed by a group of fast teenagers about 10 minutes from the falls sigh, there went our hope of being there solo for a few minutes. Still it was nice, the falls were pretty. The way back was... less than stellar. We'd gone in, apparently, on the 'social' trail but decided to go back on the 'official trail'. This was a mistake. The official trail is overgrown with blackberries and nettles, is longer, and while better graded, it was much slower. I was so happy to reach the trail junction and indeed left a trip report on WTA about taking the right junction for the last mile rather than the official left. Anyhow, it was officially 5 miles, my fitbit claimed 7, lots of ups and downs. It was wonderful. I loved hiking with my kids -heck still do if they'll slow down to go with us!- but it's so nice to know, after over 30 years together, dh is still a perfect hiking partner.

2. The scale has been kind, LOL. I'd not lost any weight since I got back from Louisiana... too much high calorie food around and I can only resist for so long! But I was down a lot -into a new lower decade even- on Sunday, and while up a bit on Monday, I was still in the new decade, and am again today. Fingers crossed it stays that way! Perry went to the Norwegian bakery to get me a slice of princess cake for my birthday. Nobody else likes it, so I wasn't going to do a whole cake. Anyhow, I had a bit of it this morning after my walk, it was delicious! I'll be having my official birthday dinner on Saturday. My sister and bil will be here, they leave on an Alaska cruise on Monday, and Anne-Chloe can make it. She could have, last night, when we had waffles and sausages, but she was officially needed to help derig boats are the weekend at the NW Masters regionals, where, btw, her boats got silver in each of their three events!

3. Cherry Creek Falls. They're about 25 ft high.


Where the hell is the "make me look 10 years younger" filter?

I just keep tearing up and sobbing for no good reason whatsever.

I mean I started to cry today at:

-- the president of South Korea singing American Pie (WTF, self?)
-- Nebraska NOT passing a 6 week abortion ban (WTG, Nebraska!)
-- Jamie Raskin ringing the bell for having finished his chemo treatments!
-- remembering that Perry and his crew team start their stupid drive down to Sacramento at 3am tomorrow. I hate that they do that drive, and I hate the drive back even more: after three days of regatta, they start to drive home at noon at the earliest. It's a 14-hour drive.
-- Don't You Cry, by Kamelot, playing on Spotify
-- realizing that my beloved Jonathan, from the stupid novel I wrote, will only ever be loved by me and a few others, because I can't figure out how to move on to get this stupid novel published, and I feel like I'm failing a fucking fictional character in a book I wrote. I mean, really, self?
-- see above, only Melissa.
-- Lindsey Graham sleeping while a victim of the TX abortion ban told her story. OK, those were tears of rage.
-- Hugh Grant looking old. I don't even particularly like Hugh Grant.
-- the fucking Republicans blocking -essentially- the Equal Rights Amendment.
-- my kids -all three!- talking about rowing together. Anne-Chloe is going to Masters regionals in June (we may try to go down!) and Perry was commenting on the line-ups they had her in, and is quite impressed, since they've got her in at least one very strong boat.

That's all I can think of right now. Sigh. I feel so fucking stupid.

💜 Attachment and loss of everyday things. Amazon tells me I bought this set of earbuds cases back in 2017. We each had one, mine was of course purple. I've used it since then to hold my Skullcandy wired earphones. My purple-no-longer-available earphones, sob. I lost case and earphones last week, I'm guessing at IKEA which is the last time I definitely remember having them. I'm surprisingly sad. I mean, I have a set of nice Bose overear headphones, but I've travelled many miles with my wired ones, rebuying the same ones as needed. The case itself went to Europe a few times, Canada several, cross country etc. Ah well. Dh still has his case in a computer bag, since he doesn't really use wired earbuds at all, and I'll probably steal it unless I decide to spend $9 to get 5 small cases when I only need one. I can still find wired earbuds but they are getting harder and harder to locate, can't find them in purple at all, and the new models all have a mic, which I don't like. In part because I hate the different feel on each side of my face, in part because Google Assistant seems to un-disable itself more often when it senses a mic. Ah well. Anyhow. I'll miss my pretty purple case!


💚 So we did my aunt's 80th birthday party in Vancouver this weekend. It was both fun and utterly exhausting. I baked three gigantic lemon cakes (of which we consumed 1.75, so I'm glad I had three). David did a beautiful job with the decorating! My aunt was so happy, and it was so nice to see a few of her friends that I've known for a long time again. Best part of course was hanging out with my siblings! And my kids all made it up, which absolutely thrilled my aunt. We of course had too much food, much of which is now in my fridge and freezer, sigh. I wanted to drop most of it off in Bellingham with the kids, but we had a two hour wait at the border (longest wait I've had in over a decade) so we just wanted to get back. I'll bring them frozen stuff later.


💙 My mom is... well, aside from the dementia, she tripped in the kitchen the night before they came and caught herself on the edge of the counter. She didn't complain, brother noted that the wrist was swollen the next morning, and we debated if they should come, but since the swelling went down with icing and that she was using the hand a bit gingerly but normally, it was decided (we all agreed) to come and deal with it here if needed. Which we did the next day, when she woke up with swelling and serious bruising. She's on blood thinners, so some is always expected but this was, to my eye blood settling. Like it did after AC broke her arm. And her foot. And Linnea her foot. Sure enough, displaced fracture of the distal ulna, sigh. My sister went with her to Urgent Care and told them clearly that she would remove anything they put her in. My mother is notorious for taking out IVs, taking out her O2 canula, removing bandages too early, once removing stitches before they dissolved etc, so this isn't a new thing, and my sister was insistent. So instead of a plain "sugar tong" splint, they decided to use a "cast" that hardens. LOL, it was off the next morning, sigh. Basically they put us in the worse of both worlds situation: not a hard plaster cast, not a removable one, but a temporary that is supposed to be "difficult" to remove. We used a wrist brace and the splint to immobilize as best we could. Anyhow, she'll need surgery. A word about my mother and pain: she broke her arm as a little girl, went a week without telling anyone. While pregnant with her first child, who died shortly after birth, she needed a root canal. It was done without anesthesia, because they were afraid of the effects on the baby. When I was 7 or 8, she cut her hand on a broken glass in the sink. I could see the fucking BONE. She put a bandaid on it. We should know by now that her pain cues are not great and the dementia has just made that worse. She's seeing a surgeon today; we'll see what happens. Update: surgeon says it's not displaced, she's getting a molded removable cast. Fingers crossed it heals well.

🤬 I gained 7lbs over the weekend. FML. I don't understand how that can be the case, but there it is. That's about a month worth of <1000 calorie days erased in three days. And while I did eat more than normal, it wasn't outrageous. Sigh. Makes me want to cry. Back on track since yesterday (well, Monday, but I did have cheese and crackers for dinner on Monday.) And everyone always says "Oh, it'll come right off" but that isn't how it's ever worked for me. Those massive gains that people always claim are temporary because they came on fast etc because of an event never are for me.

🤮 I've been taking vitamins for the past month. I ended up getting the gummi ones from Target and while I didn't love them, they were ok. I was told that the Vitafusion from Costco were "great" by a few people. I bought a bottle and ew. I don't expect my vitamins to taste like candy, but ew. I'll go back to artificially colored and flavored asap. Of course I didn't open them until this morning because if I'd tasted them yesterday, I'd have given the bottle to my sister, it's what she takes.

📱 My phone is usually a symphony of light blue and darker blue. I made some changes for spring, LOL.



😥 📘 I'm so sad and angry at myself about my poor little novel. I just cannot find a title and without a title, I'm dead in the water. I can't send out queries or do anything to attempt to get my silly story published without one. I did a full re-read, trying to get some new ideas, but nothing came to mind. I've asked my sister and she has no ideas. And apparently -gulp- my BIL read it too. OMG, it's full of sex, excuse me while I hide. But even he liked it. No title suggestions, though. Sob. I've gone so far as to try title generators on the internet. I really think ChatGPT is going to be my next step.

Clearly what I've taught my kids has gone in one ear and out the other.

Linnea has a pretty eggshell/white jacket, that was an expensive rare thrift find. She adores that jacket.

She washed it with something blue and.... it came out of the washer blue.

What did she do?

Did she remember my years and years and repetition after repetition lesson of "if you have a stain on your clothing do NOT put it in the dryer. Hang it to dry and we'll deal with it."

No, she did not. Into the dryer it went. 😱😰😥

She has called and asked what to do. Um, trash it? Because I've never been able to get anything back once the stain has been set.

But she really loves the jacket, so we'll try a round of Rit Dye Remover and hope.

I am generally so very impressed with how Linnea manages to adult. She truly does a decent job at it, and even more so when you consider the learning issues.

And then...

It took 10 days to get an appointment for her vaccines. She went today. And only got the flu vaccine.

Why didn't she get the covid booster? Because she could not remember the name, and because the map I sent showed flu prevalence. Even though I've been telling them to schedule both at the same time.

Why the eff didn't the pharmacist at least ask, sigh? I mean, when I snagged the walk in appointment at Costco, I asked for Covid, and she immediately followed up with "do you need a flu shot as well?" even before I could ask.

So now she has to try to schedule another appointment. She leaves next Monday for Baton Rouge. :( UGH. I'm really pissed with both her and Perry for totally neglecting this, despite numerous reminders.

And Perry has done zip about either vaccine. I'd tell him he can't come home without them, but he'd just wallow in total misery in Bellingham.