Stumbling Through Adulthood

I want a job.

I need to write a CV.

I am old and fat.

I have zip recent job experience.

I have no idea how to write a CV. I know I need to do a functional one, but I'm not even sure how to do that.

WAH.

OK. Deep breaths. I fucking earned that MS degree I can get a fucking CV figured out, right? Right? RIGHT?

Devolving into full panic.

Camera class this morning.

Gigantic pile of paperwork to be shredded to a shredding event at a nearby city. Last night, I kinda sorted through almost random decade of papers last night. Clearly we'd gotten rid of some stuff since -gulp- 2006, but some of the stuff was from then. There was some stuff, though not a lot, from the 2004 election. Fingers crossed I didn't get rid of anything important, LOL.

Then trip to Costco Business to pick up an office chair for dh. He's been borrowing Linnea's. Linnea's needs hers back.

Home to find out that Perry's coach is still testing positive for Covid, so Perry has to figure out how to get from Tampa to Sarasota.... and since the place he'll be staying is about 9 miles from the venue, how to get back and forth. Try renting a car as a 21-year-old without a credit card. It's pretty much not possible. We think we figured it out, but not 100% sure. Poor boy is going to be all by himself for the whole time he's there, the two other guys who were supposed to be there too didn't end up going (UW decided against letting them). And he's had to discontinue meds, so adulting isn't happening too well.

Then out to the railway museum to for the volunteer bbq. That wasn't as bad as it could be, I actually got to talk to a few people, the weather was fine etc.

Home. Dh and Linnea are getting Perry to the airport, and I'm making a Biscoff crust because....

Tomorrow is Commencement and I really don't want to go to it, but I am. I'm planning a dinner of croque-monsieurs, tater tots, and a Biscoff tart. We shall see. Nothing fancy, but Linnea likes it when I do things for myself like that (as in, she's always dismayed when I ignore Mother's Day, lol, and she was the one who asked that I go to Commencement at all, so.)

Exhausted. Worried about Perry. Dreading commencement.

Ugh. And I burned my knuckles on a cookie sheet making the tart crust. Feh.

Finally remembered to go to the website and check to make 100% sure my degree had been awarded. It had, LOL.

I'm not a grad student any longer.

WTF do I do with my life?

I can't seem to think about that while my eyeballs are itching, despite meds, but I need to start to narrow things down.

I do need to finish the novel I've been writing over the past year and find some readers to see if it's worth spending the time on a re-write/edit/whatever. I wish there was a place like AO3 where one could post original fic, retain copyright, and get opinions etc. Ah well.

Anyhow.

Damn. I liked that grad student gig. Until, of course, I had to actually show my work, right. I guess I'm kinda like Linnea. Don't want to deal with the interview, LOL.

Oh my god, I'm done.

Umm.... WAH! I don't want to be done. I want to go back to being a lab creature. I liked being a lab creature!

Seriously, though, it went better than expected, and it wasn't too awful, I think I said everything I hoped too and I don't think I said anything egregiously wrong, yay me, LOL.

OMG, done.

Best part: because of zoom and how I had the screens, I didn't see anyone there beyond my advisor and my kids. I didn't even see David, LOL. Anyhow, I know other people attended, but I never worried about them.

And very clearly, one of the profs that has terrified me from day 1 in the dept wasn't there. Nor was the dude who always interrupts.

EEEEEEEEEK!

1. I've sent the Zoom link for my defense to my kids and dh. I can't decide if I should send it to my sibs and aunt or not. I hate being vulnerable.

2. Spectacular timing. They've been getting worse over the past week, but now my seasonal allergies are in full swing, complete with itchy watery eyes. Perry, the other day, suggested allergy meds. The problem with those? They either hype me up or put me to sleep. And they don't work. Or maybe they do, but I'm either on a crying-and-cleaning binge or 3/4 asleep, and I don't notice.

3. Dh listened to me give my talk today. I've practiced 5 times total, three by myself, two with others. I hope that's good enough. I don't want to stumble too much, but I also don't want to sound too rehearsed, like I learned it all by heart. Deep breaths. Tomorrow. I'll be done tomorrow.

I'm a mess. I can't seem to fall asleep before midnight-1am, and I wake up at about 5 am. It's been like that for the past week or so, stress-related I'm sure.

I hate naps, they make me feel sick and out of sorts for the rest of the day. I was desperate enough this afternoon to go lie down to see if I could nap for an hour, but no dice.

Allergies are kicking my ass -nothing new this time of year- but I'm coughing and feeling miserable. I'm pretty sure it's not Covid (since this happens every Feb/March), but man, I feel grumpy.

Monday. I just have to make it til Monday.

103 slides to my powerpoint.

Shoot me now.

Thesis is out for review, I've confirmed -or at least sent them, hopefully they won't send back, LOL- my defense date with the grad school.

Linnea has requested that I go to commencement, which is in June. I'm not sure, I hadn't planned on it, but she thought it would be fun, and reminded me that we'd pretty much forced her to go to her graduation, which she ultimately was happy she'd done, even if she was glad it was over. Ah well. We shall see. I never that in the US, so mebbe.

One of the things Marche brings up in his book (see above for details), is that America youth are not getting less racist. It's that... the younger generation is more diverse. I find that incredibly depressing. I'm trying to find a cite for that, since I listened to the book in audio. Finding a cite is not as easy as it sounds because I'm not finding search terms that are not so broad I get half the internet in response, lol.

Major stats ooops. When we talked about stats with my committee, we all agreed blah blah blah, but advisor was chatting with someone yesterday and yeah, no. Problem should be easy to correct, but jeeze, this was not the time. In pre-pandemic times, I'd have run the stats by a dude in the dept who is really good with them, and always helpful, but eh, Covid. Should be easy to fix, just need to corral some data. Adn thank god, no ANOVA needed because I think I would have cried.

My fault, I guess. I should have emailed the stats expert, rather than just chatting with my committee. None of them are stats experts.

Blah.