Three things for... Tuesday

[nwhiker]

I lost track of Sunday in this weird week where dh was out at trains Fri-Sat-Mon, and we had visitors on Sat and I picked up Perry at the Amtrak bus and put Linnea on it when it headed back up.

So three things for Tuesday.

1. I know I'm not the only one, but the horror that is Uvalde keeps hitting me at random times. I think of the parents outside, hearing shots, knowing that that one might be their child. The aunts, uncles, grandparents. The terror and rage. It makes me physically ill to think about.

2. Dh got the Prius working again. We don't know what the problem is, so Perry is only driving it around the area, he'll have to take the Pilot when he needs to go up to Bellingham. Trying to buy a piece of diagnostic equipment. First from amazon: came with the wrong batteries, dh tried to install the correct one, the batteries barely fit, and the leads were missing. Returned it and decided to buy a Fluke. Two places confirmed over the phone that they had it in stock... only not when I drove to get one, sigh. Anyhow. We shall see.

3. One of Perry's HS friends (they're a bit younger than he is) has come out as trans, and their mother is apparently flipping out. I was pretty close to the mom and we've been trying to reconnect after a few hectic years for all of us (Perry graduating, my school, Covid etc). I'm... a bit ambivalent. It's difficult because I don't know if the mom is flipping out seriously, or if she's just coming to grips with a new reality and having a bit of a hard time adjusting to it and the kid is interpreting this as non-acceptance. She's a divorced mom with an asshole ex and she's put a lot into creating a new life for her and her (then) two daughters, and they've been an incredibly close knit and mutually supportive family, so I'm hoping it's just the novelty of it (it's been less than a two months) that is creating the friction. I think new pronouns are they/them, and new name is alas nowhere near as cool as deadname (which is gender neutral and really cool) but I really like this kid and I hope things settle with their mom.

Comments

[camelsamba]

Good luck with fully fixing the car!

I don't know that mom, but will say that it can be a hard adjustment, especially if the transition appears abrupt to the outside world. I also don't know the kid, but suspect that such a parental reaction can be easy to misinterpret.

(And personally, I hate the term "deadname" because it can come across as a rejection of all the effort a parent put into the early years. Like "everything you knew is dead" rather than "everything you knew has been transformed.")

[nwhiker]

That's a good point, and one I hadn't considered about the word "deadname". Even about the name... I mean, we all -as parents- but a lot of time, thinking, and love into choosing a name. Thank you.

Yeah, I hope it's just adjustment with the new reality. I really like this woman.

[camelsamba]

Slight backtrack: saying I "hate" the term deadname is a bit strong. More accurately, it irks me and rubs me the wrong way. And even at that level, I recognize that I am centering my experience over the ones who face societal pressures and invective or potential harassment. I just wish there were a term that was more in line with transformation instead of death.