Noooo..... Three not so great things

[nwhiker]

1. I'm supposed to cox tomorrow. In a bow loader, which is difficult to deal with, and I'm terrified. I'm -god, this is embarrassing to admit- not always great with left vs right, and add in starboard and port and yeah, no, PANIC. I still haven't figured out the mechanics of spinning a boat, so it is going to be a complete cf. I've been dreading this but was hoping it wouldn't be for a few more weeks. I've been crying since I read that, because my first inclination is to bow out of rowing entirely. Yes, I am that scared. Add in the fact that that means I don't get any exercise tomorrow morning and I'm even more grumpy. And add to all that the fact that when I row I am usually wearing five layers of clothing on top and three on the bottom (bottom: thin synthetic layer, heavy weight wool bottoms, leggings, top: thin merino undershirt, heavy weight long underwear merino shirt, a high viz tech shirt, a jacket, and a rain jacket) and I still usually get off the water cold and unable to feel my fingers. I always have tended to too cold in the winter (and too hot in the summer) and I've lost a lot of fat-as-insulation. I'm not sure my body knows how to produce enough heat to keep me warm outside when not exercising. UGH. So I'm really dreading tomorrow. Plus I'll have to find time to exercise because I cannot go a day without. Again, UGH. They needed me in another boat, thank all the gods, because it was cold this morning!

2. I guess we're going to move my mom. The new place isn't nearly as nice, but I tend to think she's more attached to people than to spaces, so I think it'll be ok. It's just the logistics of this whole time is making my stomach hurt: my sister and BIL are leaving for 5 weeks right after they move her. I'll be going down the following weekend. I'd love to say that I could just go down by myself and stay a few days, but my MIL's move is still not done, we still have two cars full of stuff, a packed storage unit that needs to be rejiggered, and my dining room table and chairs are piled high with more stuff. I need that gone, and we need to help MIL get her space together. And of course it's the start of the holiday season.

3. Normally, this is my fave time of year. I love the transition to PST, the short days, the early darkness. NSM this year. I'm just exhausted and sleepy. I suspect that early morning rowing and the stress and physical demands of a 10-day move are just getting to me but it's hard, especially since I so look forward to this time of year. I mean... I should be baking gingerbread and starting my Thanksgiving prep, not trying to figure out how to sort through stuff that isn't even mine. Ah well.