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nwhiker1. Rowing. Today was the Pink Ribbon Row, a fundraiser for breast cancer. All three of my kids were in boats, Perry in a single (2nd), in a double (2nd), and Linnea and Anne-Chloe rowed together in a double. As a result of Learn to Row, people now seem to be connecting US to THEM (especially Perry) as a very fast rate. And it's only going to continue: dh and I decided to... join the boathouse and continue rowing. It's going to disrupt our routines quite a bit: 5 am wake up three times a week at least... and that's if we go to the later class. If we decide to go to the earlier one, it'll be 4 am and driving in with Perry. We'll figure it out. All this on the background of dh's employer wanting RTO in February for 3 days a week, and nobody being happy about that.
2. Physically rowing has been a bit of a mixed bag for me: I love it, to my surprise, though I am always cold on the water. They tell me we'll get good workouts eventually and I believe them, but right now? I freeze. And I'm hurting. Perry has told me what I should do to fix the issues, but I haven't been able to reliably fix the issue and the sciatic nerve in my right leg is freaking hurting. It does not hurt while I'm rowing, or on long walks, but randomly during the day, it'll hit and I'll be pretty much hobbling and limping for a few hours. Do. Not. Like. It's been over a week of this, if I don't figure out something within the next week or so I'll head to a PT.
3. Bless her little heart for not saying anything, but Linnea managed to con the LtR coaches into taking her out on the launch on Friday, so she had a fullon view of my rowing, ouch and a little bit of dh's. She made it clear to both of us after we were off the water that she would not offer feedback unless we requested it, and I just didn't have it in me. What got me? She did talk about my boat in general (she was with the coach that had my boat) and her observations made so much sense, what we were doing as a group to eff things up. That said, we may not have been perfect but the 7 of us (instead of 8) won the three short races we did against dh's boat. 🤣🤣🤣
4. Yes, 4 is more than 3. Sigh. Anyhow, with boathouse membership, we get a club tech shirt. Patti, the person in charge, offered me... an extra-small shirt. I'm standing there, shocked that anyone could ever think I could ever fit in an extra-small. Body dysmorphia is read, people. It doesn't matter that intellectually I know that people who see me now see a smaller person, the emotional part of me just screams "they are not seeing the real you" and that's my reality. This doesn't happen with people who know me, but the random interactions with medical folk, the people at the dentist office etc. The Orwell (iirc) quote (paraphrased) of how inside every fat person is a thin person trying to get out? was never something I felt. There was never a thin person inside of me. That thin person never existed. It was me, and I am fat. And I am still the same person, therefor I am fat. And that's fine, but my perceived reality of me no longer fits with the reality of the world about me and I'm often confused. Just like how when I hiked or biked fat, I hated it when people complimented me, or implied I was a good fatty, or expressed surprise that I was where I was on a trail, I get nervous when people completely innocently imply that I am not, in fact, fat. I feel almost suspicious, like they are mocking me. Yeah, I'm pretty fucked up. Oh. And I took the small shirt so I can wear it as a top layer.
2. Physically rowing has been a bit of a mixed bag for me: I love it, to my surprise, though I am always cold on the water. They tell me we'll get good workouts eventually and I believe them, but right now? I freeze. And I'm hurting. Perry has told me what I should do to fix the issues, but I haven't been able to reliably fix the issue and the sciatic nerve in my right leg is freaking hurting. It does not hurt while I'm rowing, or on long walks, but randomly during the day, it'll hit and I'll be pretty much hobbling and limping for a few hours. Do. Not. Like. It's been over a week of this, if I don't figure out something within the next week or so I'll head to a PT.
3. Bless her little heart for not saying anything, but Linnea managed to con the LtR coaches into taking her out on the launch on Friday, so she had a fullon view of my rowing, ouch and a little bit of dh's. She made it clear to both of us after we were off the water that she would not offer feedback unless we requested it, and I just didn't have it in me. What got me? She did talk about my boat in general (she was with the coach that had my boat) and her observations made so much sense, what we were doing as a group to eff things up. That said, we may not have been perfect but the 7 of us (instead of 8) won the three short races we did against dh's boat. 🤣🤣🤣
4. Yes, 4 is more than 3. Sigh. Anyhow, with boathouse membership, we get a club tech shirt. Patti, the person in charge, offered me... an extra-small shirt. I'm standing there, shocked that anyone could ever think I could ever fit in an extra-small. Body dysmorphia is read, people. It doesn't matter that intellectually I know that people who see me now see a smaller person, the emotional part of me just screams "they are not seeing the real you" and that's my reality. This doesn't happen with people who know me, but the random interactions with medical folk, the people at the dentist office etc. The Orwell (iirc) quote (paraphrased) of how inside every fat person is a thin person trying to get out? was never something I felt. There was never a thin person inside of me. That thin person never existed. It was me, and I am fat. And I am still the same person, therefor I am fat. And that's fine, but my perceived reality of me no longer fits with the reality of the world about me and I'm often confused. Just like how when I hiked or biked fat, I hated it when people complimented me, or implied I was a good fatty, or expressed surprise that I was where I was on a trail, I get nervous when people completely innocently imply that I am not, in fact, fat. I feel almost suspicious, like they are mocking me. Yeah, I'm pretty fucked up. Oh. And I took the small shirt so I can wear it as a top layer.
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