Rock needed
7 Nov 2023 11:41![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nwhikerAnne-Chloe is leaving for a week in Dublin tonight. I'm jealous. She has a friend who ditched the US (Irish grandparent) the second she graduated from HS, and has been living there so a place to stay. Lucky her. That means she and Linnea will have seen the Book of Kells, and Perry, dh, and I have not yet, grrr. Trip needed.
A neighbor is logging their lot. It's about 1 acre, there was about 1/2 acre cleared years ago, but I guess they decided they needed to clear the lot entirely. The sound of chainsaws is making me sick to my stomach. Then comes the thud of another 100+ year old tree hitting the ground. Then a brief pause before the chainsaws pick back up. It's been several days of this, most of last week as well. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Most of last week and yesterday, I kept my headphones on. But my mom had a bad night, up at 4am (Perry who was about to leave, got her to go back to bed), then again at about 6am, when I suggested she sleep a bit more, then up for the day at 8am. As she often is after a bad's night sleep, she's distressed, keeps asking about my dad, and is not always clear in each conversation if I am her daughter or her sister, so when I tell her, she isn't sure if I mean her husband or her father. But not consistently, so it's hard to know what info to give (if I remind her I'm her daughter, she gets pissy on top of distressed). Anyhow, that means she's been talking pretty much nonstop about this since she got up so... no headphones to mute the sound of saws.
I've managed, while not eating anything out of the ordinary, to gain 5lbs since Thursday. I just want to cry. The weight comes on easily with no explanation, and it's going to be as rough to get it off again as it was the first time. Basically, I've not lost anything since early September and it's fucking hard to be hungry all the time AND not lose weight.
I hate that I am not a good caregiver.
I just desperately need a few days without my mom, and that's not happening until Christmas at best, and even then, my sister will be here (but staying at a hotel) and I'll still be responsible. Sister still thinks her construction will be done by December, but lol, I saw the status last month, and considering how slow they've been progressing? Not happening unless they've managed to sic lawyers on their contractors.
Bluetooth is a fucking POS protocol.
There. Where's my rock? I need a rock to crawl under.
A neighbor is logging their lot. It's about 1 acre, there was about 1/2 acre cleared years ago, but I guess they decided they needed to clear the lot entirely. The sound of chainsaws is making me sick to my stomach. Then comes the thud of another 100+ year old tree hitting the ground. Then a brief pause before the chainsaws pick back up. It's been several days of this, most of last week as well. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Most of last week and yesterday, I kept my headphones on. But my mom had a bad night, up at 4am (Perry who was about to leave, got her to go back to bed), then again at about 6am, when I suggested she sleep a bit more, then up for the day at 8am. As she often is after a bad's night sleep, she's distressed, keeps asking about my dad, and is not always clear in each conversation if I am her daughter or her sister, so when I tell her, she isn't sure if I mean her husband or her father. But not consistently, so it's hard to know what info to give (if I remind her I'm her daughter, she gets pissy on top of distressed). Anyhow, that means she's been talking pretty much nonstop about this since she got up so... no headphones to mute the sound of saws.
I've managed, while not eating anything out of the ordinary, to gain 5lbs since Thursday. I just want to cry. The weight comes on easily with no explanation, and it's going to be as rough to get it off again as it was the first time. Basically, I've not lost anything since early September and it's fucking hard to be hungry all the time AND not lose weight.
I hate that I am not a good caregiver.
I just desperately need a few days without my mom, and that's not happening until Christmas at best, and even then, my sister will be here (but staying at a hotel) and I'll still be responsible. Sister still thinks her construction will be done by December, but lol, I saw the status last month, and considering how slow they've been progressing? Not happening unless they've managed to sic lawyers on their contractors.
Bluetooth is a fucking POS protocol.
There. Where's my rock? I need a rock to crawl under.
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