Nibbled by ducks

I can't seem to get my head in the game to move forward with my thesis, either writing or lab work.

Because a whole bunch of things are just getting to me, and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

-- I can't get a handle on my eating and I'm feeling miserable about that. I just... fail repeatedly. It's hard to explain, and it's stressing me out. I had planned on trying bariatric surgery, but you need a primary care person and lab tests and and and to even get in to see the surgeons, so that's out. Maybe I'll just go to Mexico. They'll treat anyone, LOL. But of course, my insurance won't pay for it if I go abroad. Anyhow just whining.

-- Linnea has two cavities, between two front teeth. They have been hurting her. I made an appointment for her to get them done four months ago -ped dentist appointments are hard to come by- and that was yesterday. Note that a) Linnea has been complaining that these cavities are hurting and complaining to me that I should make an appointment for her. I've told her that I did, and when it was, but I've been yelled at more than once for not fixing things right away with my magical wand and b) Linnea has Invisalign braces. Because of this, before the ped dentist saw her, I had to make an appointment for them to remove the little nubbies on her teeth that the plastic trays click into, as well as an appointment to get the nubbies put back on. So. The appointment was yesterday. One the way back from the ortho, she asked me if the dentist was going to give her any shots and I said yes, she'd probably need novacaine. She said nothing. Yesterday afternoon, we got to the dentist's, and she's all sobbing and freaking out, refusing to listen to a word I have to say, refusing the nitrous oxide, clearly saying over and "I do not consent to a shot!". Oh fucking GREAT. I might have been able to talk her through this, but a) she was refusing to listen to anyone and b) the ped dentist, who is too willing to negotiate with kids, told Linnea that she could have the fillings done when she was under general anesthesia when getting her wisdom teeth taken out, something I had not planned for this fucking already miserable summer. So new X-rays were done (to determine if the wisdom teeth need to come out, and yes, they do, but it's not critical) and we left the dentists, with Linnea yelling at me that it's all my fault, that I should have prepared her better, and refusing to accept any blame or responsibility. I get the ped dentist's thing: her goal is -and we've talked about this- to make it so that scared kids don't turn into dental phobic adults, but in this case, dealing with a 17 year old? She needed to be talked down, not given an "out" that doesn't solve anything. Except now, I have to either get another ped dentist appointment, or leave the cavities for a long time, or make a plan to get the wisdom teeth out during a summer that is truly shaping up to be pretty awful. Anyhow, all this was bad enough, except when she went back to the ortho today, they were pretty irked that nothing had been done and -she claims- yelled at her. Which of course led her to being a butthead, and screaming at me and blaming me for everything. What hurts the most is that she's claiming she needs to "protect herself" from "all the adults". I have never EVER let any medical person do something to my kids without their full buy-in and mine. It was like... I felt completely blindsided by the fact that she doesn't trust me enough to know that I would never let any provider hurt her needlessly or unexpectedly. She was told everything that would happen. I get that it's hard for her to process things, but, for example, there were three, almost four, hours between the time she was told yesterday that she'd be getting a shot (she'd been told before, but yesterday) and the time she informed me that no, shots were not ok in the dentist's waiting room, and declined the fucking nitrous oxide. Wow. That got long.

-- My mom. PET scan wasn't good, but wasn't horrid either (say, compared to my FIL's). Biopsy is scheduled for next week, and it looks like the results will be in week after that. I guess I'll be going down to Bend so I can be with my BIL and my mom when we get the results and talk to the doctor. My sister will be in Portland that weekend/end of week, my niece is coming down from Alaska. BIL came up with a solution to allow my sister and niece a visit without my mom, but will allow my mom to see my niece (and me too!) and it all should be doable.

-- My BIL called because my sister is pretty close to losing it. I've been asking her what I could do, research wise, and from time to time she throws me little projects, but she's taken on a lot right now. I'd have my mother up here for a visit, but right now I have no spare beds, with AC back home. Plus, I don't think she really wants to come. Doing anything to help is so freaking ridiculously hard because most everything requires a freaking phone call. Nothing like having information available on the web, people. Plus elder care is so fucking monetized, the number of ads and "paid endorsements" or whatever make it hard to access anything. Anyhow, my sister is freaking out because of my mom's probably diagnosis, and we handle things differently. I'm sick to my stomach and scared too, but I freak out when the data is in, not on speculation, my sister freaks out for both.

I have no idea why I'm even writing all this. Anyhow.