Oh fuck no.
3 Jul 2020 11:42![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nwhikerMy sister and BIL are down in Baton Rouge with my brother and SIL, planning on bringing my mom up with them in their humongo travel trailer (it's, like, 30ft long).
I guess they were talking the other day and came up with a brilliant idea: that we should all go visit Tunisia next spring for my mom's 80th birthday.
Oh fuck no.
But they have plans. Bring the kids. Sister is going to find a travel agent to facilitate the whole thing. My mom still has some $$ in the country that she'd love to see spent. Beaches! Carthage! Desert oases!
Oh fuck no still.
But we can see my dad's family, they said. Introduce them to our kids.
Oh to the hell fuck NO.
Those people made my life a fucking miserable hell all through my adolescence. This was mainly my aunts and older cousins, and a few of my dad's cousins. My mother never protected me -don't ask, that's more dis-fucking-function than I want to go into- and so many of those people were brutal to me. They trampled on whatever bit of self esteem I might have had, convinced me that I was an ugly worthless stupid piece of crap who barely deserved to live. They mocked me and didn't even bother hiding the nasty things they said about me from me, they did it straight to my face. I never had any illusions that any of them liked me or cared about me, or indeed gave a flying fuck if I lived or died. What's more is that they got to my mother and influenced her. The gd fucking French fucking doctor who flew into Tunis once a month to see his poor benighted fat patients and, if they'd been good docile patients, prescribe more amphetamines? Suggestion of one of my aunts, who pushed my mother until she sent me. For my own good of course. Ever get your amphetamine supply yanked out from under you? Because you were swimming competitively and still hungry despite the meds on your 800 calories a day diet and you dared ask if you could add a serving of fruit before swimming practice? The result? No refill on the Rx, and being fired by your doctor, at 15, after being subjected to a lecture about how pathetic, stupid, ugly, fat, greedy and I forget what else you were. And yes, coming off amphetamines cold turkey is fucking HARD. I had no idea what was going on with me, I had no fucking idea I'd been on an addictive medication. And my aunt yelled at me in front of the whole family.
So yeah, no, no love lost between me and my dad's family. I could go on. I have stories until tomorrow. They were abusive to me, and very sneaky about it, so the people who might have intervened -my dad or grandmother- weren't aware, and they had my mother completely cowed. After I got fired from the doctor, btw? She suggested I take up smoking, probably at the suggestion of one of my aunts. WTF? I think she was scared of them, and knew she was an outsider, and she just didn't see all the stuff that was happening. They had a victim and didn't want to lose her, so made sure not to push things too hard in front of her.
When I visited when my dad was dying? One of my uncles called to berate me for not inviting him to visit me in Seattle more often. (He came to my wedding, so eh, he knew he was welcome.) I listened to a 15 minute diatribe from him, about how selfish and uncaring I was because he'd invited me to spend spring break with him in Paris when I was a student in France and he was living there. I mean, what the hell, I'm in the country because my dad has state IV lung cancer, my uncle never bothers to visit, and hours before I'm supposed to get on a plane, calls to ruin my last evening with my father?
There is no way I am subjecting myself to any of those people. No fucking way.
And even more so, there is not way in HELL I am letting any of those people near any of my kids. Fuck no. Bzzt. Like one of my aunts, who saw a photo of Anne-Chloe and Perry that I'd brought for my parents and admitted that AC was cute (blue eyes, what can I say, prejudice is alive and well), but what a shame Perry was so dark. My beautiful little brown boyo. Yeah, no. Even now I don't want to let any of those nasty people near my kids.
Do I sound bitter? I do, because I am. Still. I managed to survive them, but the wounds will only ever scab over.
I guess they were talking the other day and came up with a brilliant idea: that we should all go visit Tunisia next spring for my mom's 80th birthday.
Oh fuck no.
But they have plans. Bring the kids. Sister is going to find a travel agent to facilitate the whole thing. My mom still has some $$ in the country that she'd love to see spent. Beaches! Carthage! Desert oases!
Oh fuck no still.
But we can see my dad's family, they said. Introduce them to our kids.
Oh to the hell fuck NO.
Those people made my life a fucking miserable hell all through my adolescence. This was mainly my aunts and older cousins, and a few of my dad's cousins. My mother never protected me -don't ask, that's more dis-fucking-function than I want to go into- and so many of those people were brutal to me. They trampled on whatever bit of self esteem I might have had, convinced me that I was an ugly worthless stupid piece of crap who barely deserved to live. They mocked me and didn't even bother hiding the nasty things they said about me from me, they did it straight to my face. I never had any illusions that any of them liked me or cared about me, or indeed gave a flying fuck if I lived or died. What's more is that they got to my mother and influenced her. The gd fucking French fucking doctor who flew into Tunis once a month to see his poor benighted fat patients and, if they'd been good docile patients, prescribe more amphetamines? Suggestion of one of my aunts, who pushed my mother until she sent me. For my own good of course. Ever get your amphetamine supply yanked out from under you? Because you were swimming competitively and still hungry despite the meds on your 800 calories a day diet and you dared ask if you could add a serving of fruit before swimming practice? The result? No refill on the Rx, and being fired by your doctor, at 15, after being subjected to a lecture about how pathetic, stupid, ugly, fat, greedy and I forget what else you were. And yes, coming off amphetamines cold turkey is fucking HARD. I had no idea what was going on with me, I had no fucking idea I'd been on an addictive medication. And my aunt yelled at me in front of the whole family.
So yeah, no, no love lost between me and my dad's family. I could go on. I have stories until tomorrow. They were abusive to me, and very sneaky about it, so the people who might have intervened -my dad or grandmother- weren't aware, and they had my mother completely cowed. After I got fired from the doctor, btw? She suggested I take up smoking, probably at the suggestion of one of my aunts. WTF? I think she was scared of them, and knew she was an outsider, and she just didn't see all the stuff that was happening. They had a victim and didn't want to lose her, so made sure not to push things too hard in front of her.
When I visited when my dad was dying? One of my uncles called to berate me for not inviting him to visit me in Seattle more often. (He came to my wedding, so eh, he knew he was welcome.) I listened to a 15 minute diatribe from him, about how selfish and uncaring I was because he'd invited me to spend spring break with him in Paris when I was a student in France and he was living there. I mean, what the hell, I'm in the country because my dad has state IV lung cancer, my uncle never bothers to visit, and hours before I'm supposed to get on a plane, calls to ruin my last evening with my father?
There is no way I am subjecting myself to any of those people. No fucking way.
And even more so, there is not way in HELL I am letting any of those people near any of my kids. Fuck no. Bzzt. Like one of my aunts, who saw a photo of Anne-Chloe and Perry that I'd brought for my parents and admitted that AC was cute (blue eyes, what can I say, prejudice is alive and well), but what a shame Perry was so dark. My beautiful little brown boyo. Yeah, no. Even now I don't want to let any of those nasty people near my kids.
Do I sound bitter? I do, because I am. Still. I managed to survive them, but the wounds will only ever scab over.
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Date: 5 Jul 2020 18:30 (UTC)